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When Patrick was sick, I used Facebook as a way to update friends and family about what was going on.  It was easier for me to make one post instead of sending texts or calling everyone.  Facebook let me focus on what mattered the most and not spend hours on my phone each day.

Right after he died, there was so much to be done.  I called the friends that were watching the kids.  I called the kids’ schools since they were both at school.  Phone calls notifying family and friends.  His primary doctor.  Forms to fill out.  Talking to the doctors about an autopsy.  So many things going on all at once, on top of the emotional roller coaster I was just thrown onto.

My biggest fear was Robbie finding out from a Facebook post that his dad died.  Even though he was in school, him and his friends still checked Facebook every chance they got.

When I made the calls to family and friends I asked if they could wait to post anything until I made a post.  I didn’t explain why, I guess I hoped people would respect my wishes.

Unfortunately a couple of them didn’t listen and rushed to make that RIP Patrick post.

I’m still trying to wrap my head what’s going on.  It was like a dream and I was watching myself from above praying I’d wake up.  Then my phone starts ringing.  Text messages.  People wanting to know if its true.  Why they are finding out from Facebook.  Do I need anything.  Are the kids ok?

In less than a half hour after Patrick died, I had people angry at me because they learned about his death from Facebook instead of a phone call.

Why was it so hard for people to wait until I posted something?  

This is one question I have asked over and over.  In the last 5 years, I have seen so many people do the same thing.  I’ve seen angry husbands and wives complain about the same thing happening to them.

Why?  What do you get for being the first one to post?

Ask yourself how you would feel if you found out from a Facebook post that your brother, sister, cousin, parent had died?

Back before social media there was an unspoken set of rules to do when a person died.  If you weren’t close family or friends, you either heard about the death from someone, or you read about it in the newspaper.  BUT by this time, everyone that needed to be notified were notified.

Social media makes everything available in an instant.  Even so, there needs to be a level of respect for those that just lost their loved ones.

  • Don’t post until the husband/wife, parents, or next of kin has posted.  Guaranteed that they won’t be posting anything until everyone that needs to be notified has been.
  • Don’t put info out there that hasn’t been posted by the husband/wife, parents, or next of kin.  Its not your place to tell the details.  If it hasn’t been posted, there’s usually a reason why.

You will have your moment to share your condolences, memories, and RIPs, but have enough respect for the family to wait until that “official” post is made.





Hi! I’m Samantha. I’m a mom of 2 great kids, and all that goes with that. I am a Pink Zebra Independent Consultant, I’m also a widow. I am learning to live life after the death of my husband, figuring out what my new normal is, and battling with my grief.

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I'm a widowed mom of 2 amazing kids. Engaged to the man that made me realize I could love again. I love photography, gardening, and reading. Caregiver, taxi driver extraordinaire, chef, maid, and everything in between.

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