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When Patrick was sick, I used Facebook as a way to update friends and family about what was going on.  It was easier for me to make one post instead of sending texts or calling everyone.  Facebook let me focus on what mattered the most and not spend hours on my phone each day.

Right after he died, there was so much to be done.  I called the friends that were watching the kids.  I called the kids’ schools since they were both at school.  Phone calls notifying family and friends.  His primary doctor.  Forms to fill out.  Talking to the doctors about an autopsy.  So many things going on all at once, on top of the emotional roller coaster I was just thrown onto.

My biggest fear was Robbie finding out from a Facebook post that his dad died.  Even though he was in school, him and his friends still checked Facebook every chance they got. Continue reading

5 years ago today I laid my husband to rest.  At the age of 32 I had to plan a funeral.  I had to pick out clothes for him to wear.  I had to pick out a casket.  Who would perform the ceremony.  Flower, no flowers.  Constantly asking myself, what would he want?

I thought my world was over.  The day Patrick died, I had had my heart ripped out of my chest, and I didn’t think I would ever be able to feel anything but pain again.

Everything made me cry.  The radio.  TV.  Smells.  Buildings.  I hated leaving my house because I knew that no matter how quick of a trip it was, I was going to end up sobbing at some point.

I had to focus on helping my kids through their grief.  I knew how to help them, I’d lost my father when I was 14, just a year older than my son was.  I knew what they needed.

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5 years ago my husband and my best friend took his last breath.

5 years but I can still remember everything about that day.  The week after that is a blur, but that day will forever be etched into my memory.

This last month has been insane.  On Feb 19 I rushed Billy to the ER because he was having chest pains.  They admitted him to do a heart cath.  This showed blockages but also damage to his heart.  On Feb 22, they did a quintuple heart bypass.  Yes 5!!

The doctor came out to tell us that surgery went well and that his heart was already beating so much better than before surgery.  Later that evening Jazzy and I got to go in to see him.  He was joking with her and trying to talk me into taking him home.

The day after surgery he was doing good.  He was sitting up, talking, and told me the doctors told him he’d be home before his birthday (March 1st).

That afternoon he was in quite a bit of pain so they gave him some morphine.  Sometime between the and Friday night (approximately a 24 hour period) his heart threw off a blood clot.  This blood clot then broke up into smaller pieces and they all went straight to his brain.

On Saturday 2/25 they did an MRI that showed he had around 30 small strokes.  By themselves they wouldn’t have done much, but as many as he had, they did a lot of damage to his brain.

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ds01029_ ds00519_im04140_mcdc7_dilatedcardiomyopathythu_jpgWhere to begin.  I haven’t talked much about the guy I am dating.  The guy I’m planning on marrying.


Last week we were excitedly planning our camping trip in May.  5 days of camping, fishing, and spending time with a lot of my family.


Then Sunday, all that changed.  Billy was cooking breakfast for Jazzy and me.  One minute he was fine and the next minute he couldn’t figure out how he got into the kitchen.  Then when he went to pick up the ketchup bottle, he didn’t have control over his arm to do anything but let it swing.  Then as he was walking into the living room, he was walking like he was drunk and stumbling.

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Lexington, Kentucky
13626591_10206852963346525_8797700057161787986_nRobbie had his orientation at the University of Kentucky July 11th and 12th.  While he was at orientation it gave us a chance to explore where he will be living for the next 4 years.

The UK college campus is beautiful!  Unfortunately I was dodging college students so I didn’t get any pictures, but I plan on changing that next visit.

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The 2nd day of orientation, the parents were treated to a VIP breakfast in the VIP lounge at the stadium.



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wildcat statue

Robbie with the Wildcat statue at UK

In 10 days we will be headed back up to the University of Kentucky to move Robbie into his dorm.

10 short days.

I have already warned him that I will be crying.  A lot.


Yesterday 2 of his 3 textbooks came.  He’s a little bummed that his calculus II book is on back order.  Today he the extra dorm things he needed were delivered.

Its all starting to sink in that my boy will be leaving me.  This summer went by way to fast!!!

The kids’ grandma and uncle came out for graduation.

While they were here we went site seeing.  One of the places we’ve really wanted to check out is Lake Lure, NC.  My mom has talked about it, but we’ve never had the time to make the 2 hour trip.


SO we set a day aside to drive up and check things out.  Its so pretty and so peaceful!


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On June 2nd my sweet little boy graduated from high school. With honors!

It was such an emotional day, and I cried. A LOT.

In July we are headed up to the University of Kentucky for orientation.

I’m not ready for this!!!!



I'm a widowed mom of 2 amazing kids. Engaged to the man that made me realize I could love again. I love photography, gardening, and reading. Caregiver, taxi driver extraordinaire, chef, maid, and everything in between.

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